Relationships (Love Part III)

Going off to college… an exciting experience.

If you let it be anyways.

When there is a crossroads in life like this, people get scared. And it’s understandable, change is coming – and surely with pain as well.

One thing some people do to cope with this pain is attach themselves to another person. If anything bad ever happens, the person that is clinging to another can always shift the blame (or responsibility) to the person to which they are “attached”.

It keeps their “security” intact.

They aren’t letting new things into their world right away, I hope that when all of my friends go off to school – they’ll let go (as in not cling to) their past relationships; and rather focus on making new ones.

There is one aquaintence of mine who has attached him/herself to another person, and completely cut themselves off from the group. They have really attached themselves to this other person.

This other person may be going to the same school this person is going off to.

It frustrates me that this person is so desperately clinging to the past, and what they perceive as “safe”.

They keep themselves in the box – and are denying themselves many experiences that would cause them to grow substantially.

The experience of going off to college is EXACTLY what you make it out to be.

It could be dangerous (if you convince yourself that it is).

It could be exciting (if you’re not a pussy).

Once again – life is only what we make it to be.

So please – to all of those who read this:

LET GO AND MOVE ON

THERE’S BETTER OPTIONS WHEREEVER YOU’RE GOING.

Trust me – if you look for them – you will meet people with which you can have much healthier relationships with.

Sure – there’s gonna be some bad ones too.

But they’ll only be as bad as you let them be, if they’re not healthy – cut them out of your new life.

We can build BRAND NEW paradigms and maps in college/university.

The Map with which you viewed the old world (high school) is out of date, and has gone bad (it’s all moldy & such).

Get rid of it and move on.

It’s the Least you can do for yourself.

Look at him think!

Selfishness

So I had an epiphany the other day. I was contemplating about whether or not I was going to a party that night. I like to drink at parties (for all those of you who don’t know), and I was hoping to get a ride from someone, or else I wasn’t planning on going.

This was selfish.

I was planning on just attaching myself to someone else in hopes I could get to the party and drink.

If I couldn’t get the ride – I wouldn’t go.

This was incredibly selfish.

I figure, if I’m going to be a “good friend”, then I should accept invitations – regardless of whether or not I’ll be able to drink.

Because the person who’s extending the invitation, is kind enough to think of me and want to include me in their “doings”.

It’s selfish of me just to lay back and say “I’m not in the mood” when I have plenty of energy or say “I’m just lazy, so I won’t go hang out with friends” is incredibly selfish.

We all give gifts to one another.

We give the gift of ourselves. So that others may enjoy themselves, simply because of our presence.

Now – there are times when one shouldn’t go to parties, for example when one is too tired to be at their absolute best.

But when your excuse is “I’m just lazy”, and the party isn’t too far out of your way to go to; then the only thing that may be stopping you may be your fear of interacting with others.

If one spends too much time alone, then going out into the world where random things are a constant occurrence – can make a person nervous.

Getting outside the box can be a dangerous thing.

But it can also be fucking sweet – if you accept responsibility and act accordingly to your surroundings.

- Celebrate why don’t ya.

Here's somethin to think about...

It looks short – but ultimately – this may be one of my biggest entries.

Self – is really just a way to define “who you are” as a person.

Let go of the “self” and you can grow as a person without having to change “who you are”.

Think about it…

and celebrate

Tervs confession & whatnot

I have a dire message for all of you…

I…. Josh Tervit… the one you all know and love…. Am an insecure person.

But wait!

Terv is insecure?! But he seems so sure of himself all the time!

That’s true… he does.

BUT

I was talking to a mentor of mine a few weeks ago, and we got into a conversation about religion and whatnot – and basically the idea is:

I am insecure – as I am not set in one way of living life. I enjoy getting out and experiencing new things, listening to others – and changing my “self” to either adapt to the situation, or change for a long term goal.

I am insecure in the sense that I am not secure in any one frame of mind – and I am (almost) always changing.

And most importantly – I am insecure enough to NOT try and force change around me, so that I may fit in a little better (or feel more “secure”, although I do try and give positive influence to others).

Secure people have one (or two or three if they’re lucky) frame of mind. They see the world in one way, and that’s the way it is.

They have beliefs, thoughts, and whatnots that will not change, for fear of them compromising their security.

There’s also the fear of becoming vulnerable. “Vulnerable” means “Susceptible to physical or emotional injury”.

Physical and emotional injuries are only a bad thing for so long. If you learn from the experience of that pain, then looking back on it – it really could have been a lot worse.

I know this from experience.

The accident of course (and Mommy, and Corey).

It all doesn’t seem so bad now – as it did at the time – because I have learned from the experiences.

I learned the benefit of deep thought from my accident.

I learned the value of family from my Mommy.

I learned how to REALLY live – from Corey.

I chose NOT to cut myself off completely from the world, or build a box around myself to keep the chill of reality out.
I decided to let it all in, and let me grow as a person; and as a spirit.

Secure people wrap themselves in a blanket to protect themselves from the world.

Alright – whatever works for ya.

But if you keep yourself locked in the box forever; then how can one truly learn how to deal with others, and influence change – rather then force it?

I betcha there’s been wars started because one country couldn’t force another to do something the way they wanted it to be done (if they influenced the other country in just the right way, then over time – it would pay off.) Now there’s extremes to this of course, like World Wars I and II had to have happened, because people just get out of hand… I won’t ramble about this.

People don’t do things because “They don’t wanna”.

When they’re asked why: “They don’t know”

If there’s not a (legit) reason as to why, there’s not a reason to not do the thing your avoiding. Often it hurts more to NOT do it, then it is to actually experience it.

I find it is anyways.

This has been a pretty long entry, so I’ll leave you with a quote from a book I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

“Whenever we confront someone we are in essence saying “you are wrong and I am right.””

I have been confronting a lot of people lately.

I am not saying the above.

My journey has been long and I have learned much from it thus far.

Is it so wrong that an experienced person teach his lesson to others?

I’ll admit I’ve been very up-front about it with some.

But the walls will not fall without a little push and shove in the right direction

- towards freedom.

I respect all of your paths, I know that they are yours.

But guidance, tips, and insight – only hurt those who limit their life.

To the rest of us – what’s the harm in taking them in and developing?

I certainly don’t see any.

Anyways – it’s the weekend.

Therefore – party time.

Get off yo couch and enjoy yourself.

Love Part II

So I’m just going to get to the point.

Not one person is perfect for another person. Everybody is their own independent person, and there may be others who they relate to very well – but they are still two different people.

I have a friend who says that the person he/she is dating is perfect. I don’t believe it.

I believe he/she needs somebody to cling to or “love” to be truly at peace. I haven’t really figured out what his/her core problem is yet (yet…).

He/she probably feels that their coming from a position of scarcity.

What’s that mean Terv?

Well… it means they’re probably thinking that there aren’t MILLIONS of other people in the world that they can communicate with and possibly start a relationship with.

Relationships are (good for constant sex) not a good thing – all the time.

I think it would be best for my friend not to put all his/her eggs in one basket. They will be going off to College/University soon – and I know this person will meet a lot of new and interesting (and generally better) people that will be a healthier option for him/her.

Why is this person so damn clingy – it’s definitely not a turn on in my mind.

I guess the people he/she dates are clingy too – and they need other people to make them feel complete.

I don’t believe this kind of thing leads to a healthy relationship.

If anything it’s demeaning to both parties; for when one leans on the other – it becomes difficult for that person to grow, with such a parasite attached to it anyways.

I think my friend needs to get out there and date as many people as he/she can, to find out what he/she REALLY likes and dislikes about the opposite sex.

And NOT just settle for a flawed option.

Maybe when the sex gets boring & repetitive he/she will truly see how blinded they have been.

But anyways.

(Real) Love is tedious. It requires effort from both parties to extend their core to another to help that person grow.

It is not just sex and little-nothings. It saddens me to see people caught up in those – they could be doing so much better for themselves (but perhaps they are just not ready…).

Sex may be a big part of a relationship – it’s a healthy thing – but when one becomes blinded to the downfalls of the other because of this; it becomes a very unhealthy relationship.

The two involved in the relationship should always be moving up (not just going down ;)). If one is ahead of the other, than that person should extend themselves so that the other person may learn, grow, and catch up. Then they are equal.

One person in a relationship should not “wear the pants”.

If one person tends to be more powerful and controlling then the other, then they should humble and extend themselves so that the other person may grow and be able to be on the same level that the person who “wears the pants” is on.

That is love.

We are all independent people. The majority just choose not to take responsibility for that and make themselves dependent upon others.

The “Best” cannot be found without a LARGE AMOUNT of experience with the opposite sex.

One should not settle for anything but the best.

I guess this means that there is “somebody for everybody” out there, but the people should not demean themselves when choosing a partner. Because if one does not choose another who will help them grow – then what good is the relationship doing?

“Dating” can be seen as a hobby; an external distraction to prevent one from truly developing what is inside.

I plan on “partying” with A LOT of girls before I settle down, so I can truly know (from experience) what I want in a woman.

So it may one day – truly – be beautiful.

But until then…

Attachment is unnecessary.

Relax and enjoy yourself

Thoughts from the latrine part I

So I was thinking at work today - whilst in the loo - and it came to me.

Life is Natural;
Growth is Divine.

Growth and change both (are the same) are a painful experiance.

Though if someone were to see the long-term benefits of change and growth, and still put themselves through the pain to achieve the benefits - that - is an expression of Divinity.

This is because you are looking beyond what is easily achievable, and looking beyond your natural ability to deal with life. This way - you are achieveing a higher state of consciousness, and are becoming a better person.
What better explenation is there for a human to achieve sometimes super-human things (or at least freaking everybody out...) with their ability to change and grow
I betcha Jesus did something like that.
But anyways - lets not get into that religious mumbo-jumbo.

If one does not grow in life - not just mature; for there are mature people who have not yet grown into full-fleged adults - what be the cause to live?

Summer has just started - it's a celebration.

Peace.