Life; according to Tervit

Original Quote:

2010-07-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

It is far more beneficial to ones own self to Grow and Refine; and not Settle and Define.

- Tervit

Relationships (Love Part III)

2006-08-05T19:37:00.000-07:00

Going off to college… an exciting experience.

If you let it be anyways.

When there is a crossroads in life like this, people get scared. And it’s understandable, change is coming – and surely with pain as well.

One thing some people do to cope with this pain is attach themselves to another person. If anything bad ever happens, the person that is clinging to another can always shift the blame (or responsibility) to the person to which they are “attached”.

It keeps their “security” intact.

They aren’t letting new things into their world right away, I hope that when all of my friends go off to school – they’ll let go (as in not cling to) their past relationships; and rather focus on making new ones.

There is one aquaintence of mine who has attached him/herself to another person, and completely cut themselves off from the group. They have really attached themselves to this other person.

This other person may be going to the same school this person is going off to.

It frustrates me that this person is so desperately clinging to the past, and what they perceive as “safe”.

They keep themselves in the box – and are denying themselves many experiences that would cause them to grow substantially.

The experience of going off to college is EXACTLY what you make it out to be.

It could be dangerous (if you convince yourself that it is).

It could be exciting (if you’re not a pussy).

Once again – life is only what we make it to be.

So please – to all of those who read this:

LET GO AND MOVE ON

THERE’S BETTER OPTIONS WHEREEVER YOU’RE GOING.

Trust me – if you look for them – you will meet people with which you can have much healthier relationships with.

Sure – there’s gonna be some bad ones too.

But they’ll only be as bad as you let them be, if they’re not healthy – cut them out of your new life.

We can build BRAND NEW paradigms and maps in college/university.

The Map with which you viewed the old world (high school) is out of date, and has gone bad (it’s all moldy & such).

Get rid of it and move on.

It’s the Least you can do for yourself.

Look at him think!

2006-07-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

Selfishness

2006-07-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

So I had an epiphany the other day. I was contemplating about whether or not I was going to a party that night. I like to drink at parties (for all those of you who don’t know), and I was hoping to get a ride from someone, or else I wasn’t planning on going.

This was selfish.

I was planning on just attaching myself to someone else in hopes I could get to the party and drink.

If I couldn’t get the ride – I wouldn’t go.

This was incredibly selfish.

I figure, if I’m going to be a “good friend”, then I should accept invitations – regardless of whether or not I’ll be able to drink.

Because the person who’s extending the invitation, is kind enough to think of me and want to include me in their “doings”.

It’s selfish of me just to lay back and say “I’m not in the mood” when I have plenty of energy or say “I’m just lazy, so I won’t go hang out with friends” is incredibly selfish.

We all give gifts to one another.

We give the gift of ourselves. So that others may enjoy themselves, simply because of our presence.

Now – there are times when one shouldn’t go to parties, for example when one is too tired to be at their absolute best.

But when your excuse is “I’m just lazy”, and the party isn’t too far out of your way to go to; then the only thing that may be stopping you may be your fear of interacting with others.

If one spends too much time alone, then going out into the world where random things are a constant occurrence – can make a person nervous.

Getting outside the box can be a dangerous thing.

But it can also be fucking sweet – if you accept responsibility and act accordingly to your surroundings.

- Celebrate why don’t ya.

Here's somethin to think about...

2006-07-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

It looks short – but ultimately – this may be one of my biggest entries.

Self – is really just a way to define “who you are” as a person.

Let go of the “self” and you can grow as a person without having to change “who you are”.

Think about it…

and celebrate

Tervs confession & whatnot

2006-07-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

I have a dire message for all of you…

I…. Josh Tervit… the one you all know and love…. Am an insecure person.

But wait!

Terv is insecure?! But he seems so sure of himself all the time!

That’s true… he does.

BUT

I was talking to a mentor of mine a few weeks ago, and we got into a conversation about religion and whatnot – and basically the idea is:

I am insecure – as I am not set in one way of living life. I enjoy getting out and experiencing new things, listening to others – and changing my “self” to either adapt to the situation, or change for a long term goal.

I am insecure in the sense that I am not secure in any one frame of mind – and I am (almost) always changing.

And most importantly – I am insecure enough to NOT try and force change around me, so that I may fit in a little better (or feel more “secure”, although I do try and give positive influence to others).

Secure people have one (or two or three if they’re lucky) frame of mind. They see the world in one way, and that’s the way it is.

They have beliefs, thoughts, and whatnots that will not change, for fear of them compromising their security.

There’s also the fear of becoming vulnerable. “Vulnerable” means “Susceptible to physical or emotional injury”.

Physical and emotional injuries are only a bad thing for so long. If you learn from the experience of that pain, then looking back on it – it really could have been a lot worse.

I know this from experience.

The accident of course (and Mommy, and Corey).

It all doesn’t seem so bad now – as it did at the time – because I have learned from the experiences.

I learned the benefit of deep thought from my accident.

I learned the value of family from my Mommy.

I learned how to REALLY live – from Corey.

I chose NOT to cut myself off completely from the world, or build a box around myself to keep the chill of reality out.
I decided to let it all in, and let me grow as a person; and as a spirit.

Secure people wrap themselves in a blanket to protect themselves from the world.

Alright – whatever works for ya.

But if you keep yourself locked in the box forever; then how can one truly learn how to deal with others, and influence change – rather then force it?

I betcha there’s been wars started because one country couldn’t force another to do something the way they wanted it to be done (if they influenced the other country in just the right way, then over time – it would pay off.) Now there’s extremes to this of course, like World Wars I and II had to have happened, because people just get out of hand… I won’t ramble about this.

People don’t do things because “They don’t wanna”.

When they’re asked why: “They don’t know”

If there’s not a (legit) reason as to why, there’s not a reason to not do the thing your avoiding. Often it hurts more to NOT do it, then it is to actually experience it.

I find it is anyways.

This has been a pretty long entry, so I’ll leave you with a quote from a book I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

“Whenever we confront someone we are in essence saying “you are wrong and I am right.””

I have been confronting a lot of people lately.

I am not saying the above.

My journey has been long and I have learned much from it thus far.

Is it so wrong that an experienced person teach his lesson to others?

I’ll admit I’ve been very up-front about it with some.

But the walls will not fall without a little push and shove in the right direction

- towards freedom.

I respect all of your paths, I know that they are yours.

But guidance, tips, and insight – only hurt those who limit their life.

To the rest of us – what’s the harm in taking them in and developing?

I certainly don’t see any.

Anyways – it’s the weekend.

Therefore – party time.

Get off yo couch and enjoy yourself.

Love Part II

2006-07-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

So I’m just going to get to the point.

Not one person is perfect for another person. Everybody is their own independent person, and there may be others who they relate to very well – but they are still two different people.

I have a friend who says that the person he/she is dating is perfect. I don’t believe it.

I believe he/she needs somebody to cling to or “love” to be truly at peace. I haven’t really figured out what his/her core problem is yet (yet…).

He/she probably feels that their coming from a position of scarcity.

What’s that mean Terv?

Well… it means they’re probably thinking that there aren’t MILLIONS of other people in the world that they can communicate with and possibly start a relationship with.

Relationships are (good for constant sex) not a good thing – all the time.

I think it would be best for my friend not to put all his/her eggs in one basket. They will be going off to College/University soon – and I know this person will meet a lot of new and interesting (and generally better) people that will be a healthier option for him/her.

Why is this person so damn clingy – it’s definitely not a turn on in my mind.

I guess the people he/she dates are clingy too – and they need other people to make them feel complete.

I don’t believe this kind of thing leads to a healthy relationship.

If anything it’s demeaning to both parties; for when one leans on the other – it becomes difficult for that person to grow, with such a parasite attached to it anyways.

I think my friend needs to get out there and date as many people as he/she can, to find out what he/she REALLY likes and dislikes about the opposite sex.

And NOT just settle for a flawed option.

Maybe when the sex gets boring & repetitive he/she will truly see how blinded they have been.

But anyways.

(Real) Love is tedious. It requires effort from both parties to extend their core to another to help that person grow.

It is not just sex and little-nothings. It saddens me to see people caught up in those – they could be doing so much better for themselves (but perhaps they are just not ready…).

Sex may be a big part of a relationship – it’s a healthy thing – but when one becomes blinded to the downfalls of the other because of this; it becomes a very unhealthy relationship.

The two involved in the relationship should always be moving up (not just going down ;)). If one is ahead of the other, than that person should extend themselves so that the other person may learn, grow, and catch up. Then they are equal.

One person in a relationship should not “wear the pants”.

If one person tends to be more powerful and controlling then the other, then they should humble and extend themselves so that the other person may grow and be able to be on the same level that the person who “wears the pants” is on.

That is love.

We are all independent people. The majority just choose not to take responsibility for that and make themselves dependent upon others.

The “Best” cannot be found without a LARGE AMOUNT of experience with the opposite sex.

One should not settle for anything but the best.

I guess this means that there is “somebody for everybody” out there, but the people should not demean themselves when choosing a partner. Because if one does not choose another who will help them grow – then what good is the relationship doing?

“Dating” can be seen as a hobby; an external distraction to prevent one from truly developing what is inside.

I plan on “partying” with A LOT of girls before I settle down, so I can truly know (from experience) what I want in a woman.

So it may one day – truly – be beautiful.

But until then…

Attachment is unnecessary.

Relax and enjoy yourself

Thoughts from the latrine part I

2006-06-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking at work today - whilst in the loo - and it came to me.

Life is Natural;
Growth is Divine.

Growth and change both (are the same) are a painful experiance.

Though if someone were to see the long-term benefits of change and growth, and still put themselves through the pain to achieve the benefits - that - is an expression of Divinity.

This is because you are looking beyond what is easily achievable, and looking beyond your natural ability to deal with life. This way - you are achieveing a higher state of consciousness, and are becoming a better person.
What better explenation is there for a human to achieve sometimes super-human things (or at least freaking everybody out...) with their ability to change and grow
I betcha Jesus did something like that.
But anyways - lets not get into that religious mumbo-jumbo.

If one does not grow in life - not just mature; for there are mature people who have not yet grown into full-fleged adults - what be the cause to live?

Summer has just started - it's a celebration.

Peace.

Pre-conceived Notions

2006-06-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

Pre-conceived notions; is what’s on the plate for today.

I’ve gone to school with these guys that are a year younger that I, I don’t hang around them at all. It’s very depressing to even be in the same room with them.

I find that as soon as an idea is thrown out in class (e.g.), they almost automatically start saying why it “probably won’t work” and go on about worst case scenario’s if the plan were to be put into action. They’re words are empty and meaningless.

I believe their living in a world of pre-conceived notions, bestowed upon them by people they hang around with - is incredibly limiting... like a box.

I work with a guy that I believe is all about these “pre-conceived notions”, he is basically the tool of the group. Not really doing anything for himself without the groups recognition and/or approval.

Must be a pretty shallow existence.

Hearing that something is bad from somebody else doesn’t mean you’ll think it’s bad; thinking this is true loses ones ability to be a truly independent person.

I prefer experience-based learning myself.

Never know till ya try ;)

I think the main thing people need to realize, is that when somebody warns them about something, they are warning them based on their experience, and those who they are warning haven’t ever really lived that reality. They haven’t experienced it, and they continue avoiding that thing because somebody that isn’t themselves, had a bad experience with it.

Be your own person, belonging to a group isn’t cool when you’re only doing it to avoid doing things for yourself.

I find that these people submerge themselves with “hobbies”.

I think that hobbies are really just an external distraction to keep people from dealing with the inside – to grow spiritually and become a stronger person.

It must be a shallow life for one to live it all for the outside.

For example.

Lets say there’s a hockey player. He wants to win his hockey game, and (if he’s lucky) gain some hockey fame. Now I don’t know the psych of this hockey player, but how is he thinking about this game?

Is he going out onto the ice, contempt on making someone else lose (another team), so that he may be raised up.

Or is he going out with a goal in his head to achieve a personal best, regardless if they win or lose.

I’ve learned that if you live your life for you, and live with goals and your own agenda that has nothing to do with others, people will respect you. They will raise you up.

This is the ultimate form of dignity.

But when you go out to put others below you, thereby feeling better about yourself as a result – is the lowest form of self-fulfillment.

A very shallow existence it must indeed be.

peace

Love

2006-06-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

There are so many interpretations of love.

I was listening to a friend go around and interview a bunch of people about what they thought love was (or something to that effect), and it got me thinking. It was funny, she didn’t ask me – only the people whom she knew what their response would be it seems.

But anyways.

I’ve been reading some very interesting books lately. Mostly about psychology and such, and it’s taught me some things that really answer questions I’ve been asking for a while now.

What is love?

“Love” is a myth by todays standards.

When people claim that they are “in love” with their new relationship partner (or w/e), they are so happy about it; and when things aren’t so good with their partner – their world crashes.

This isn’t cool by my standards.

People who are “in love” are really just relying on others for fulfillment. They give up a personal responsibility they (should) have to themselves to be able to keep their emotions in check and generate their own experience of reality. They aren’t doing themselves much good if they’re letting something completely “outside” of their core self control everything they do.

Being “in love” these days, is really just being “in lust” with an emotional attachment (and/or dependency)

Being “in love” is different from real “love”. I think anyways.

I see that there are those who say they are in love, and that the person they are with is totally perfect for them – but most of the time I feel some sort of che from them, that they are not completely fulfilled by something. Most likely the relationship I’m thinking (as it is being discussed when I notice a change in their body language and the energy their putting out). They may be so deeply “in lust” with this person that they overlook the flaws and really aren’t doing as well as they could be doing.

But anyways.

I believe that “real” love is a love that only comes when you fall “out of love” (the opposite of “in love”). It happens when you can look past all of the barriers your partner puts up to shield themselves from the world; look past the super-conscious, conscious, and sub-conscious to really connect with their core being. That is their spirit.

I believe that when two people connect and share with eachother things that cause their spirits to expand and grow exponentially – that my friends – is love.

As blinding as the lust may be – and incredibly titillating at times as well – is it really worth giving up the development of the spirit… that will ultimately lead you to become a better person as a result?

Just a thought anyways.

I realize that there are people who need this, they need somebody to lean on, to be dependent upon – to cling to even – and its cool. Whatever works for ya.

But just beware of this:

When you are totally affected by everything the world does to you

It becomes VERY easy for people to FUCK with you.

Peace

Random thought

2006-06-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

So I had a random thought the other day.
I was walking around the house, I think I was coming in from hanging laundry on the line.
My mind had been racing all morning - creativity was surely evident.
The television was turned on, and it made me think of some people who I'm not that big a fan of.
And I thought to myself.

A mans right to happiness; is his to forever live.
But when his road travels upon the backs of others;
What a bleak existence it must indeed be.

Peace

The Speech

2006-05-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

So this is the speech I was going to say at the assembly on Tuesday.
If you read it, you may understand why I decided not to say it.
Be sure to read my first entry - which is an elaboration of this speech in essay form.

Hey, for all those of you who don’t know, my name is Josh Tervit.

I’m in my fifth and final year here at LDSS;

And I’d like to share some thoughts with you before I leave:

You heard that (person 3) mentioned “Real Me” in the poem that we read during the opening skit of the assembly.

If anyone here thinks they have a “real me”, or a “true self”, I would have to disagree with you.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as a “True” or “Real” Self.

So for example, if I were to look at the negative aspects of myself, and just accept them as being me; I’d just be being “true” to my “real” self; and there’s no reason to change. Right?

I disagree – that way of thinking is so limiting - so restricting - to this one – beautiful – life you and I have.

Change is a constant occurrence, and it occurred to me that change is always necessary – no matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, being open to change makes things so much easier. I find that today, there are people who do not change. But rather they try and change the world around them, because the problem is always “outside” themselves. This is a very counter-productive thing to do – as the world doesn’t change for just anybody. Instead; why not become adaptable to your current situation – and not entrench yourself by just “being the way you are”.

I’ve learned in my time, that there is no such thing as “being the way you are”,

Because the human mind is incredibly adaptable and convertible – you can be anything you want if you strive for it. If you’re unhappy, empty or depressed, and you crave happiness and elation, you can achieve that feeling. Happiness is not a destination – but rather a journey. Happiness is just a state you pass through during life’s never-ending journey; and since you’re in control, you are able to take that route as many times as you want.

Speaking of life….

Life is a system

Life is a game

Life is enjoyment

Life is dread

I've always tried to define what life is... I'm sure we've all tried to, but I found my definition was constantly changing –much like life.

Until one day I decided to think outside the box; and I came to one, simple conclusion:

There is no life

and I do not believe there is a death

Once I realized this – I stopped obsessing over trying to discover what life is – and gave up the idea that “this life sucks”;

Because we’re just going through the process of being in the stage of existence we're in right now.

Like this minute, right now - we are in the prime of our physical existence

Why anyone would feel the need to rush through to the next stage is beyond me

Take your time

Relax and enjoy the journey.

Throughout my journey; I often found myself saying:

What a cold reality

What a grim reality

What a harsh reality.

Until finally one day I broke free of that negative train of thought; I looked past my issues and realized that I am the one responsible for how things go in my life. I am responsible for how I feel, I am the one responsible for my actions.

Taking responsibility does not mean taking the blame - it does not mean you’re at fault.

Rather; It means you can handle the consequence of your thoughts, actions, and
emotions.

Taking responsibility for things you're a part of - and dealing with them is a great

experience. How else can one learn if they're constantly shifting the blame - to something else.

Here’s an example, I’ll just pick something silly like – lets say person “A” is offended by “person “B’s” t-shirt. It’s not person “B’s” fault that person “A” got offended. Because lets face it, had person “A” not been so uncomfortable with the world around them - they would not have made an issue out of person “B’s” gimmick.

It's also a part of the maturing process.

It sounds heavy, but once I realized this – I was able to take the steps needed to dig my way out of the rut I was in.

Once I took absolute responsibility for myself; I concluded that I was the one responsible for how my reality appeared to me.

Reality is what you make it; it can be positive, mediocre, or worse yet; negative.

Reality, can be defined as: “All of your experiences that determine how things appear to you”. So I learned and decided that if I changed my thoughts and perceptions, my reality would change as well.

I began to think positive, and so my world became a much, much lighter weight on my shoulders.

Pain can do weird things to a person. It can cause them to do irrational things. It can be a little annoyance – easily dealt with; or it can be an issue, consuming and demeaning.

So just remember: You are not your pain.

Your mind hates pain, and although it is sometimes necessary – it’s an unhealthy thing to put yourself through; especially if you don’t need to.

Do not cause yourself unnecessary pain. The human mind was not meant for that.

THE MIND REACTS in a multitude of ways TO AVOID PAIN

It’s true. You’re mind will alter situations your in, that it sees as potentially harmful, into something that keeps everything seeming good & all right.

So, say for example, your friend tells you they’re seriously considering harming themselves.

That may come as a shock to you, so your mind, without you consciously being aware of it, will react by making light of the situation, and then ignore it after it passes.

Sad but true.

Another example: a person arrives at a scene of an accident. They see other people standing around gawking, and not taking action to help whoever was involved in the accident. The people’s minds are protecting them from negative change. They “freeze” so to speak, and are unable to do anything.

The person who sees all of this happening, has a clear sense of mind to take charge of the situation. They put the ‘gawkers’ to work helping the victim until professional help can arrive.

You see?

One person can make a difference. One person can change a group of powerless individuals, into a team of powerful supporters. It only takes the action of one person to positively influence the outcome of any bad situation.

And that; is what I think of it.

The resources are there fellow students.

Make use of them, and you could save someone’s life.

ONE – BEAUTIFUL – LIFE.

Why not enjoy yourself ;)

Life; According to Tervit

2006-05-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

What up.

First I’d like to thank you for reading this. I originally wrote this as an elaboration of a speech I wrote as a way to cope with the loss of a good friend; and as a way to let you know how much room there is to grow inside.

Whilst reading this, you will learn more about the concept of a “Real Self”; the benefits of change, and how to stop doing what isn’t working. You will learn about the journey, about my journey, and about taking responsibility for everything you do. This will also mention how people can be “at effect” in the world, and how you generate your own experience of reality; about pain, and the power that everybody has within themselves. This will also teach you about constant improvement.
I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself; and how I came to learn all the concepts I’m sharing with you. This is the first time I’ve ever shared such information with a vast amount of people.

It all started in grade seven. My reality was first shaken by both the entrance to adolescence, and my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer. As I tried to cope with hormones and a mother going through chemotherapy; I experimented with things well beyond my age. I really took my mothers illness seriously, I knew the survival rates were phenomenal but I didn’t set my watch to them.

That turned out alright eventually.

But then came that warm August evening in the new millennium. Two friends and I were biking home from a soccer game. Life was grand. Life was spectacular. My mom had conquered her cancer and would complete her final chemotherapy session in two weeks. Life was good. I had two great friends that I had hardly been separated from all summer, and I had what was sure to be an exciting first year of high school coming just around the corner. I was invincible, I was sure of it. My high spirits were crushed, and nearly obliterated that warm August the 13 evening. At approx. 8:05 P.M I rode my bike into an intersection and was struck by a Chevrolet Blazer.

That life ended. My body was crushed.

I had suffered two broken (and nearly severed) legs, a collapsed lung, two orbital fractures and a severe head injury. Not to mention numerous cuts & bruises.

It’s next to impossible to describe what this is like. It’s very much something you need to experience to truly understand.

Just imagine everything you are; your values, your opinions, confidence, ethics, everything, is just thrown into a deep haze; if not completely lost.

My high school life has been full of challenges; especially grade nine. I had decided to return to school 3 months after my release from the hospital. I began taking one class (English). Eventually – whilst doing physio-therapy, speech pathology and some other therapies – I ended up picking up four more courses and graduated that year with six credits. The doctors originally estimated that I would be lucky if I took one.

I certainly knew I wasn’t about to hinder myself to their expectations.

Grade ten through to my current fifth year has been one big learning experience (non-academically of course).

I used to be concerned with the concept of having a “real self”. Why, I’m not sure; but I do know it wasn’t doing me any good.

“If I were to look at the negative aspects of myself, and just accept them as being me; I’d just be being “true” to my “real” self; and there’s no reason to change. Right?”

This is what was said in the speech. It conveys the idea that there is only one way of being you. If you agree with the above statement, please be careful. It’s too easy for one to end up choking by tying themselves to a self-image.

I do not believe that there is only one way of being you, as you are constantly changing.

Letting go of the concept of "being who you are" opens the door to a new paradigm

Of "being whatever you want to be"

It was around grade ten when I decided I could do whatever I want. More specifically I could be whatever I want. I had some intelligent and positive mentors in my life that really helped me get back on track. They had taught me some concepts that I had pieced together, and decided that change – though generally not fully endorsed by others – can be a very positive thing.

Change is a wonderful thing. You were given a miraculous organ in your head that is capable of miraculous things; and you have the power to make those changes happen.

The idea of change can bring about fear for anybody. The process of change can usually make a person feel vulnerable, being as they’re out in the world trying something that is new to them; the possibility of failure is very real.

But wait.

Failure?!

Failure is only a big deal if one chooses to make a big deal out of it.

I’ve learned that failure is just another human-invented concept. There is really no such thing as “failure”. If you’ve learned something valuable from what you tried; you really didn’t LOSE anything now did you?

You just GAINED the knowledge that doing something THAT way doesn’t work.

And yet still, there are people who are still afraid to change.

Fear of change can continue even into adulthood. Sometimes, if people don’t have the greatest influences in their life, they can mature only so far, and they plateau and don’t go anywhere. They continue to be as they were when they reached their plateau (18 or 19 years old for example). They do not grow as an individual, they continue in that frame of mind till the day they die. These are called “perpetual adolescents” – and they are denying themselves the one true gift, that shows how wonderful having a brain is; and that is the ability to change.

Change is a constant occurrence; an example of this is the truth. The truth constantly changes. Some have a difficult time wrapping their minds around this. They see something – and that’s the way it will forever be. They are “stuck in their own head” and will never come out, even if it will do them a world of good to realize that things have changed. I find that some are too focused on giving something a permanent label, so they never have to think beyond their first impressions.

I experienced something new at the end of last summer; and I sure hope I don’t experience it again. Our would-be Spirit Leader passed away by his own hand this past summer.

This was a shock for all of us. Corey had been partying for the past three nights at my house, during the second week of August 2005. This was a special week for me, as my parents were away and the fourth year anniversary to my accident was on Friday.

It has since become an even more significant week.

Corey left my house Tuesday night, and was found by his father the next morning. He was hanging from the highest beam in his barn; on Wednesday August 10^th, 2005.

I’m not going to lie to you. It sucked.

I once again returned to the depths of my mind, and dug a little deeper. I had dealt with my own mortality before, but seeing the effect of this gave me a new perspective on things.

I’ve learned the following.

Stop doing what doesn’t work; for there is more than one way of doing things. Developing the ability to identify what isn’t working, and trying a new and different way is an important skill to have. Though I see some who try something one way - the way they think is the only way that works – and they fail, they give up and call whatever it is “stupid”. The task that person is attending to isn’t stupid.

We all have the ability to grow. We all have the ability to be the greatest at whatever we want to. Sometimes we just need to switch on the high-beams and widen our tunnel vision; if not totally eliminate it. This is where I learned about the concept of “constant improvement”. The Japanese have a term for it called “Kaizen”. I learned about this and decided that it can be applied to anything. I could constantly be improving myself.

I’ll tell you a story about how I came to learn this the hard way.

I had decided to really start taking guitar seriously at the end of grade ten. During grade eleven I was very focused on playing a very complicated song at the year end assembly. I worked very hard on that song, and really tunneled my vision and thought to myself that “if I could play that song, I will put on the greatest show this school’s ever seen”. I really convinced myself of it. Eventually the day of the assembly came around and there were complications. I was unable to perform; and I became stuck. I was stuck like a molasses-covered tractor in January. I had let myself “plateau”, and during my practice my vision had tunneled. Now that I had wasted all of that time, I could go no further with my music.

Or so I thought.

After this lesson I have really tried to instill in myself that there is always room for improvement, no matter what.

Some may say that change must occur naturally; and that if you try to consciously do it, it won’t be “real”.

But how does natural change occur?

Natural Change occurs as the minds reaction and adaptation to the environment which surrounds it.

It can be unconscious; one day you could become conscious of the changes that now make up your characteristics and find out you’re not who you really wanted to be in the first place. While change that you’ve identified needs to happen, and change you’ve thought through and weighed the consequence of the result; is the path to becoming exactly the person you desire to be.

I’ve learned that emotions are a chemical reaction. That reaction is processed by thoughts and then acted upon accordingly. This process usually goes on without any conscious interference. I didn't like the idea that chemicals could ultimately dictate my thoughts, actions, and emotions. I decided not that long ago that I would observe when those chemicals were-a- brewin' inside and interfere with the thought that told me how to react. I observed that I could logically weigh my reaction. By doing this I was able to become the dictator of my thoughts, actions and emotions; and not some stupid chemical.

This prevented me from blaming others for things that I was in control of. I did not choose to shift the blame, and as a result of that; I learned from any experience.

Life is full of learning opportunities.

While learning all of this, I came to learn the concept of being "at effect" in the world.

Those who are "at effect" are generally a victim of their emotions and try and force change around them (as they cannot deal with their surroundings).

I'll get right down to it. I started a little experiment in the New Year that has let me

see some interesting things.

I'm sure some of you have noticed some of those t-shirts I've been flaunting around. If

not, then lets just say they were amusing to some, and ghastly offensive to others.

They let me pick out all those who are "at effect" in the world; after I saw how they

reacted to what the shirts said. Those who laughed, I noticed were people who were comfortable with the world around them. Those who stopped and said "You shouldn't be wearing that" or anything of the sort, led me to believe me that they are “at effect”. They saw the T-shirt, read what it said; and something inside them (chemical reaction) told them that this was not kosher. It wasn't something they saw everyday, and it went places that were for one reason or another were bordering taboo.

But lets look at the reality of it all. These people who are getting worked up about pieces of thread with ink on them that form letters (that have no direct/indirect reference to them specifically!) are letting insignificant things affect their situation. Like they have nothing better to do.

Enough said.

People generate their own experience of reality. It’s true. Everybody comes with what can be called a little “map” inside their head; which tells them what’s right to do, how to do it, etc. This map was learned by us since birth and it gives us a view of the world – and ways of coping with it.

Peoples reality can change – big time – because of exposure to pain. Mine was first rocked by my mothers cancer, then even more by my accident – and Corey. There were times when I would listen to music to give rise to my emotions, so that I would feel a certain way. Unfortunately this was a bad kind of music that made me feel emotionally angry. This wasn’t cool. So I learned about it.

Emotions are a drug; and at the time, I was a “feeling junky”.

“Feeling junkies" get off on their emotions; they love the “emo” drug. Emotions

are caused by the body's release of certain hormones & chemicals, which cause a physical

reaction & feeling. Some put themselves through pain to get another hit of that sweet emotion that is generated to help the mind deal with pain.

It can get so serious that a person will stop at nothing to get another hit of that drug.

It's alot like crack.

So I stopped doing what wasn’t working; and gave that up.

I’m sure there are some people out there who noticed that I don’t talk that often. But is that really a bad thing?

To tell you the truth; I learned about the concept of “Listening to Learn vs. Listening to Respond” a little while ago. It was taught to me by an old mentor I used to hang around with.

I put this idea to test a few years back (grade 11). I decided I would wander the halls and talk to a bunch of different people; all the time. Lunch time I remember I was all over the place. I would meet new people, get some rapport going with them and see what I could learn. It was wild.

I saw that people, quite a number of times just shot answers back at me with no thought put into the words they used. The quicker they could respond the quicker they could make their presence be felt and the quicker they could gain status in the group. They didn’t seem to think a lot about what they were saying. I found a lot of people would contest very insignificant things, just for the sake of conversation. I learned that not everything needs to be a debate.

I was reminded of this earlier when some guy contested (nearly to the death) an idea I had. When I asked him about it the next night he was totally okay with it. He may have just been having a bad day – but is that any reason to contest, just for the sake of mindless chatter?

I don’t think so.

Happiness has been my ultimate quest. Traveling through all the tunnels I have; has given me a sure reason to seek the higher ground. I have come to learn that there are so many better things we can be concerned about; than just sitting around chewing about how bad things are.

Because it’s really not that bad; our situation could be a lot worse.

I started to learn about Taoism and Buddhist teachings back in grade 12. They brought about some deeper revelations for me. I learned to find my “center”, and how to “Relinquish what is without to cultivate what is within”. It gave me an idea of the power I have within myself. The power of responsibility is the greatest gift I can give my character. The power one has within themselves can be very beneficial to others. I have found that it is best to keep your power to yourself, until one can develop thyself enough to righteously deal with those that surround that person.

If one can deal with people, then they no longer feel the need to blame others for things they did.

The journey we travel each day is beautiful. With each waking breath, why should we not rejoice? The world is cold and perilous; no doubt. But the way we deal with it is the ultimate structure of how things come to be. A good friend had a very profound way of putting it: “It’s all about the journey, not the destination”. The final outcome is irrelevant if we didn’t learn from, and enjoy the journey.

Can we not create our own heaven – on Earth?

I've waited a long time in my day. To be honest with you, I've learned that always looking towards the future takes away from the moment; the RIGHT NOW. The future is so unpredictable that it's almost vain to plan for a time when we won't know exactly what will be in store for us in the situation we may find ourselves in.

So why not enjoy the present situation. Why not relinquish fears, and second-guesses to

just appreciate where we are, what we are capable of, and the one beautiful life we live each day.

You may have heard of the tattoo I had drawn on my back for Corey. It was one of the

last thing Buddha stated before his demise:

"Where-so-ever you go;

Go with all your heart."

This reminds me each day that there are better things to be doing with our nearly borderless options. It also reminds me that the only real limits we have - are entirely fabricated by our sure-firing imagination.

It reminds me of the beautiful life we all live, of the reality’s we are all simultaneously generating, and the reasons within our power to stay and experience yet another day. It reminds me that if I’m bored, to busy myself, that if I’m unhappy; rationalize it. I have been very surprised to see how irrelevant the issues that were “bringing me down” really are.

This one beautiful life gets no better than the years we’re experiencing and approaching right now. Some of us are going off to College and University to really learn some “real-life” skills.

But for all those of you who still have years to come, I challenge you to accept them with an open mind; because the problems you see and will face are only those that your mind fabricates to cope with things. The problems aren’t always as big as they seem, if you analyze and break them down. Rationalize, find your center and become the best person you can fathoms. I believe your life will become as beautiful as you want it to be; if you allow it to be so.

But what is to come only follows upon what has been. So before I forget; this was my high school experience.

And now I ask you: the reader.

What has all of this meant for you?

Did you learn from what you’ve just read?

Will you sit down and analyze yourself, and work on achieving the higher ground?

The power we have within ourselves is limitless; the beauty we can experience in one lifetime knows no borders. And I know you and I have so much more to come, and it’s only right, that we enjoy ourselves; and have a little fun ;).

Peace.